The Art of Self-EmpathyMy approach here is strongly influenced by my training in Nonviolent Communication (and also has resonance with the work of the Compassionate Listening Project, and the teachings of Thich Nhat Hahn).
In the same way that we can bring mindful (non-judgemental) attention to the feelings of another person, we can also bring that attention to our own feelings. I refer to this self-empathy. In my experience, the benefits of self-empathy can include:
Self-empathy is helpful as part of everyday life, and can be particularly valuable when we are in conflict situations. Observing what we are feeling The foundation of self-empathy is a practice of observing what we are feeling without evaluating it. We might observe our feelings and emotions by:
Example: If I am facing a set of important exams, I may discern that I am feeling tired, anxious, fed up and scared (and also perhaps excited and hopeful!). I might notice tension in particular parts of my body, such as around my head, or in my neck. And there may be patterns of thought about how well (or badly!) I am likely to do in the exams. Deepening our connection Often, it can be helpful to go beyond identifying what we are feeling, to explore why we are feeling that. In Nonviolent Communication the practice is to explore what the need behind the feeling is - what was it that you were wanting that you did not get?
Identifying the needs behind our feelings can help us gain acceptance of our feelings, and achieve a sense of empowerment about how we can improve life for ourselves. For example:
Practices of self-empathy I have encountered may ways to approach self-empathy - some practices that I have found helpful include:
Are you interested in learning more, and applying this approach in your day to day life? Check out one of my workshops in Oxford. |